Melissa’s topic on this episode of the Wholeness podcast is how to create new identities that serve you. In her work with her clients, she uses several different modalities and methodologies that all help her clients recognize the roles they created as children within their family constructs and among their friends that they have continued to live into as adults.
Melissa explains in detail what these varying “Roles or Identities” can be, how they got created and provides examples of how they play out in adulthood – sharing the important distinction, that we, as the creators of these identities can release them. That we in fact do not need to continue to own certain “Labels/Identities/Roles” we take on if we do not like them; or as Melissa would say, “if they are hurting us instead of serving us”.
She takes you through a variety of exercises to help you gain clarity on the roles you took on in childhood that you are continuing to own as an adult. These simple questions are posed to you in today’s episode:
- Make a list of the roles that serve you and another list of the roles that hurt you that you see yourself living into and owning as a part of your identity as an adult.
- Ask yourself “How have these roles supported me? How are these roles/identities hurting me?”
- Feel free to share with Melissa Kathryn what you have found for further insights in her exclusive, FREE online community
- Circle the first 3 roles that are hurting you that you want to change
During and after this exercise, you will have clarity and feel extremely empowered knowing you can reprogram the roles that aren’t serving you – by merely choosing to let them go.
Melissa explains “when you give yourself permission to change and the freedom of knowing those character traits, ways of being, roles or identities (however you want to characterize them) aren’t actually you and never were – you become liberated.
It is important to identify where they came from in your life, and to keep in mind that you can always change, no matter what you have been through in the past.
Our roles are developed by our relationships with our family, friends, colleagues, and circumstances, combined with others projections that formed our perception – our internalized view of ourselves.
To your parents or siblings, you will forever be the pre-adolescent version of yourself. The most loving thing you can do for yourself and those around you is to stand up for yourself and relinquish those irrelevant labels that are hurting you. You have the power to shift your mindset and behaviors right now.
Brief Outline:
- Understanding the roles that we play
- Some roles serve us and some don’t
- Can be formed by your family dynamics, school, friends, siblings, parents, etc.
- We tend to tie ourselves to labels, but we don’t need to be defined by them
- How your family of origin impacts your roles
- You usually revert back to your assumed roles when you are around your family
- If there was a deficiency in your family dynamics growing up, you could have assumed a role that you need to let go
- It is difficult to change your family’s perception of you because they have known you through so many of your roles
- Internal shifts needed to make new identities
- Know that you can change whenever you want to
- This is a choice
- Examine which roles serve you and which ones do not and then put in the work to realign them
- Exercise
- Make a list of the roles that serve you and another list of the roles that hurt you
- Ask yourself “How have these roles supported or hurt me?”
- Feel free to share with Melissa Kathryn what you have found
- Circle the first 3 roles that are hurting you that you want to change
What You’ll Learn:
- Understanding the roles that we play
- Clear distinction of identities that are serving or hurting
- Empowered actions to shift the unwanted
- How your family of origin impacts your roles
- Internal shifts needed to make new identities
- Mindset training for the empowered woman
Key Quotes:
“Our subconscious mind really stops forming after the age of 8.”
“There are roles that you’re playing and living into that you don’t need to.”
“What we learn and what we believe about ourselves becomes what we believe that we are.”
“We as a culture love to label.”
“You don’t need to be these things that are not serving you.”
“You can see the roles you play most when you go back and visit your family.”
“If it’s hurting you, I want you to know that it can change.”
“We are animals by nature. We can change whenever we want.”
“We can shift energy at any time.”
“We’ve got to identify what is standing in the way that we are conforming to that we’re not even aware we keep playing into because we’ve just made it a part of who we are because we’ve bought into the story.”
“What is it that I really want?”
“We get to own it by saying ‘I choose differently.”
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