In the past month in particular I have found many people going through a very challenging time in their lives, filled with a lot of questioning and life changing decisions.
This time period in life, can be referred to as the “Dark Night of the Soul”.
If this is you, keep reading, because I’m hoping my message will bring some clarity and support.
This time period, is in many ways, when life redirects us (putting it mildly) when we are not ready or prepared for it…at all.
It can feel extremely uncomfortable, even painful. We get catapulted into a new reality we weren’t expecting and in most cases not wanting.
Some examples can be a sudden separation, loss of a loved one, an illness diagnosis, or an identity shift – through loss of a job or significant amount of money.
Why it’s deemed a dark night of the soul, is because these events leave you questioning who you are, life decisions you’ve made, and often you’re in a very uncomfortable, even dark place with yourself.
It’s as if the life you’ve known, is no longer your own, and who you think you’ve been, is not who you are.
And with that, this time brings everything in your life into question.
In addition, (yes there is more…LOL) the most challenging aspect for most, is that your greatest “unhealed” trauma is usually triggered, (even if you’ve done tons of work) and you find yourself reliving the feelings it brought up in you again.
So what do you do if this is you?
Here are a few things I want to share with you…
- Know you are not alone – NEVER EVER – even if you feel like you are. You are not.
- This is a call for all women to no longer be what I call “silent sufferers” (you know who you are – I was one of them too – it does not help any situation, but especially this one)
- Ask for support – this is the time to get support – either from trusted sources or hiring someone. It’s important to have someone be an outside observer who knows and understands and can give you guidance, insight and actions to support you.
- ONLY share what you are feeling with close, trusted, NON-JUDGEMENTAL people in your life. I cannot stress this enough – DO NOT share with everyone. Pick a select 1 or 2 who get it and LOVE you.
- Please know there is a higher power and purpose at play here. It might not make sense and feel hard but there is a reason for all of it. Surrendering to this knowing is important.
- Be with the feelings – no matter how sad or hard – please do not push them down or run from them. There is a common theme of “slapping a smile on it” and wanting to “mantra” your bad feelings away or just shove them down to not deal or feel.
This is probably the most important thing I can stress at this time…
7. ALLOW yourself to feel and be with whatever is coming up for you.
There is something that occurred in the self-development world, where women started to believe we are supposed to be happy all the time.
That is not human. It’s not real life.
We are supposed to feel feelings and not place labels or judgements on them.
That is powerful. When you can “BE” with yourself, without making yourself wrong for anything.
Anger and sadness are not wrong.
They only become “wrong” when we make them wrong, and then judge ourselves for not being “perfect and happy” all the time. Which then causes us to overeat, overreact, and over obsess about all we “aren’t” doing “right”.
Are you going through a hard time right now?
Out of everything I shared in this note to you, what spoke to you the most today? I’d love to hear from you!